“Life changes fast. Life changes in the instant. You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends.”

Flicking back through the last eight weeks of photographs is like taking a trip in a time machine. I will never forget how scared I felt the first day I moved in; how nauseated at the thought of leaving and in that moment if we had turned the car around I would never have gone. I listened to so much Beyoncé on that journey. “I’m not afraid,” I told myself over and over again. “I’m not afraid of anything.” I replied to good luck texts from my friends with shaky hands and refused to cry or think about home.

It took one look at my university bedroom and the equally, secretly, terrified faces of my new flatmates and everything was fine. Someone brought cake, the rest of us fetched our alcohol, music playing, and suddenly we’re laughing, we’re happy, we’re all going to be okay. Someone else went to Reading festival in the summer, someone else worked at Leeds. We talk about Arctic Monkeys, A-levels, who hasn’t lost their virginity somewhere in the blur of the last few years of teenagehood, play never-have-I-ever - all lying of course - and spell out our names as we save each others numbers. We wander out, elated, to explore our new world of libraries and bars, concrete steps, a campus of new experiences awaiting us in the morning but we can’t wait for that, we want it now. Snapchat, “have you seen this TV show…” falling over, spilling ciders, walking home. I climb in through a window in our building, fall up the stairs, smiling. Hangovers follow, medicated by mugs of tea. Milk and one sugar, are we becoming friends? (Yes.)

Two months have flown by; a blur of drinking and dancing and attempts at cooking, movies and arguments and laughing, never quite getting enough sleep or enough coffee. It’s not quite a home, this funny flat with the bedroom doors that stick and the mouldy showers and the fridge that’s too cold and the freezer that’s permanently melting. It’s not a family, this weird group of people, thrown together and suddenly alone, supposedly independent. Some of us only share in birthday meals and chip in for washing-up liquid; some of us drink tea at 2am together and watch TV in each other’s rooms, advising and teasing on everything on the colour of shirts, to who’s turn to clean, to who had who in their room being noisy last night. And that’s okay, everything’s always okay, or it will be in the morning or one day, far in the future, when I’ve got a drink in my hand and a funny story to tell. It’s always okay.

House hunting, walks to Aldi, figuring out the laundrette, homesickness, fresher's flu, far too many tins of soup and spaghetti hoops consumed. Visits from family, trips home, adventure, stress, panic and laughter. Essays written, seminars endured, lectures napped through. Coffee drunk, tweets written, instagrams posted. Whiskey, vodka, Jager, Malibu, vomit and alcohol poisoning. Too many pizzas to count. Halloween, Bonfire Night, passing by in a blur. Suddenly it's nearly Christmas and I feel as if I've lived here forever.

University is somehow everything and nothing like I imagined; exactly as I knew it would be and also in another universe. Even when life feels terrifyingly new and upside down and fragile and I remember how far away I am from home, its so good, this learning how to be a person stuff. This tumble-driers and microwaves, budget, student, train tickets, "adult" stuff. Cigarette smoke on cold November evenings, sparkles in the sky, the smells of winter, soft sweaters and hugs, more music than my ears know what to do with. Fairy lights, to-do lists, poster sales, endless, endless books. Sometimes I get sad of course and when I do I listen to music and read messages in my yearbook and miss my family - who half the time are somehow capable of infuriating me from miles across the country - and my friends - because a million messages and texts and Skype sessions are just never the same as being in the same room and laughing so hard you need to pee with people who've known you forever.

It’s as if one day I woke up and someone handed me my brand new life. An adventure, just like I always wanted.

Once upon a time...

Long ago, in a land not so far away, as this bittersweet, modern-day fairy-tale shows us, a girl meets a boy. A boy with a guitar, a broken heart and an unrecorded album in him enough to get him across the ocean to the life of his dreams. This unnamed Irish musician along with an equally mysterious and talented Czech piano player carry us into a world where anything seems possible. She has a broken hoover, a complicated family, a talent for sharing her own joy with all she meets and changes his life irreversibly and forever.

But the course of neither true love nor musical success never did run smooth, and this whirlwind ride through the pubs and bars, kitchen tables and poky upstairs bedrooms, recording studios and vacuum cleaner repair shops of Dublin is no exception. With an ending as poignant as it is surprising this show lets you take nothing for granted and will break your heart, leaving you wondering, wishing, hoping, like its two romantic protagonists.

Once takes it's audience on a magical, musical journey, encouraging you to follow your dreams and open your eyes to the world around you - with plenty of stomping and clapping Irish and Czech folk music to keep your spirits up every step of the way. A love song to the power of kindness in strangers, the importance of friendship, music and following your heart and a story that will leave even the saddest of faces nodding, smiling and clapping along.

I can safely say it's the most uplifted I've ever felt leaving a theatre and something to regret missing out on! "Once" The Musical opened on Broadway in 2012, winning eight Tony Awards including Best Musical, before appearing in London's West End at the Phoenix Theatre in 2013. I saw the show in April 2014 with Doctor Who's Arthur Darvill as "Guy" and Zrinka Cvitesic as "Girl," who were both absolutely amazing. This show is truly a once-in-a-lifetime musical experience.

And if you need any more convincing...

 

Oh, and by the way: "Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, who wrote the music and lyrics for the film, have composed the music for Once the Musical. They won an Oscar for the song Falling Slowly." I got emotional again just listening to the soundtrack while writing this. Enjoy xox

 

LES MIS

Ever since I first heard of Les Miserables, I have been fascinated and a tiny bit obsessed with it. I sobbed my way through it more than once in the cinema, insisted on helping out with every show when my school performed the musical - just to get to be there and watch it each night - and was given both the film soundtrack and a copy of the original book for my 17th birthday. Although at the moment the (huge) chunky text is sat being quietly ignored on my bookshelf - its about 7,000 pages long, okay?! - I've definitely been inspired to attempt to read it now. Maybe when I've watched the movie once more...

 

Anyway, yesterday, December 23rd, I was lucky enough to go and see the musical in the West End. I've been hoping this would happen for about two or so years now so it was a completely amazing experience. The show recently moved to Queen's Theatre and is now the longest running musical in the world. We booked tickets really last minute so ended up being sat at the back of the stalls, which isn't ideal as you can't really see the top of the barricades from there. However, the singing, the actors, costumes, sets and everything else about it made it so incredible that I stopped noticing the fact that some of the characters looked like they didn't have heads and I'm already planning to go again sometime.

I think the reason so many people all over the world love this show so much is because of how relatable it is. That may sound strange, given that the whole thing is set in revolutionary France, and we like to think the world has moved on since then. But all of the different bits of plot, the complicated lives of all the characters, mean that whatever you have experienced in your life, you can see a little bit of it in Les Mis. There are so many different relationships, so many themes going on, and the story is universal, ending with a message of hope, even when surrounded by death.

It's fair to say that Les Miserables isn't the most "happy" musical you could imagine - it's name is basically French for: "The Miserable Ones" after all - which is why the comic parts of it are so important. The audience sat up a bit straighter when the Thenardier's came on stage and their songs are the most entertaining by far. The contrast of laughing at them and enjoying the humour in their scenes makes you appreciate the sadness of the deaths of several characters and feel that you are on an emotional rollercoaster - everything from danger, fear, love, anger, redemption and finally hope are explored throughout the nearly 3 hour running time. It might be a long musical but it seemed to go by seriously fast. I felt like the curtains had only just risen when the actors started taking their bows to a standing ovation. My eye makeup was cried off down my cheeks by the middle of Act 1, I literally had to force myself not to start singing along and I can honestly say I hoped it would never be over. If you ever get the chance to see Les Miserables, definitely say yes! It's an experience you will never forget; you'll find yourself humming the songs weeks later, wishing you could see it for the first time all over again.

Thank you...

Thursday November 28th 2013. Today is Thanksgiving, in the USA and Canada. Traditionally celebrated on the fourth and last Thursday of the month, the holiday was originally a harvest festival and is now an opportunity for people to spend time with their families and those they love, share food and appreciate what they are grateful and thankful for in their lives. Or if your name is Joey or Monica, to shove a giant uncooked turkey onto your head... oh Friends references. Of course many people take issue with Thanksgiving, arguing that, as it is essentially a holiday celebrating the destruction of Native American people and their homes and communities, its a bit ridiculous, hypocritical and insensitive of everyone else to spend the day roasting turkeys, consuming pumpkin pies and watching football games and parades. I think this is probably true to a certain extent, but at its heart I think Thanksgiving is a really lovely idea. If you can ignore the aspects that you may personally disagree with, and enjoy the spirit of it: being grateful for what is good in your life, and appreciating how lucky you are, then there are a lot of benefits to be found.

Its quite sad that we don't celebrate in the UK. In my opinion we could all do with feeling grateful a bit more often. I know I spend so much time thinking about the future, the things I wish would happen, the things I want, the expectations I have, that I barely ever take the time to think about what is good about right now, in the present. Not to sound incredibly cheesy and annoying, but we are all pretty lucky. Most people have roofs over their heads, families and friends who love them, exciting things to look forward to. I think its nice to spend a day enjoying those things rather than obsessing over everything we could potentially do or have at some unspecified time in the future. To be honest the worst things I have to worry about are not life threatening or even that bad at all: getting a job, trying to learn enough to pass my A-levels, hopefully going to university. And although everyday life gets boring and stressful, and November is a horrible month, and getting out from under your duvet in the morning is a challenge and sometimes you just have a bad day, thinking about all the good things about life is the best way to make yourself feel happy again.

 

I'm happy that Christmas is now less than a month away. I'm grateful for my bed being really warm and snuggly so I can hide from the world with cups of tea when I'm feeling ill. I'm thankful for all the stuff that I love that makes me happy, like all the covers of Love is on the Radio with Carrie and Giovanna. And this Taylor Swift song. And just for YouTube in general and Twitter and the fact that I have lots of blogs to read. And Rookie and Humans of New York for making me feel better about humanity. I'm excited for all the things I have planned for the next couple of months. I'm happy that I watched this video earlier today and that it gave me the idea to write this. (I'm also thankful for lots of the same things... Harry Potter, socks, tea and coffee, just to name a few.) And make up. I'm very grateful to whoever invented mascara and concealer and bronzer and all the other stuff that means when I get basically no sleep I don't have to look like an actual zombie, despite feeling like one.

What are you thankful for today? Happy Thanksgiving!

Lets all laugh at the bands I like.....

So my friend Robyn wants me to answer some question about my music taste... which is obviously because it's so great and not at all because she wants to laugh at me. I don't see anything wrong with the fact that I love Mcfly, The Killers and (not even that secretly...) Kanye West, along with the Arctic Monkeys, Biffy Clyro and Nirvana. I'm just all about encouraging diversity... mainly on my iPod, and yes, I did just put it on shuffle and the first song that came on was Starlight, by Taylor Swift. What do you mean you don't like that song...?!?!

Anyway...

Which bands/artist do you own the most albums by?
I own everything recorded by The Killers and I think all the Biffy Clyro albums as well. I also have a whole lot of Taylor Swift OF COURSE. As well as that I have tons of my dad's music - so basically a lot of Oasis and Bruce Springsteen albums. I told you it was diverse...

What was the last song you listened to?
I'm writing this while watching the Gilmore Girls, but the last thing I listened to was either Vampire Weekend's album Modern Vampires of the City, Boys in Books, by Carrie Hope Fletcher or a band called Moose Blood that I discovered the other day. Someone I follow on twitter posted a song by them and I listened and fell in love with the lyrics....

I guess I'll never know why you closed the window,
Start reading Hemingway, start drinking cups of Earl Grey
then I guess maybe one day.. I'll be yours forever....

What’s in your CD player right now?
I don't have a CD player anymore - who does?! - but I used to and I miss it to be honest. I still own loads of CDs and mostly I just cut up the sleeves to add to my wall of posters and tickets. The last thing I played from my iPod speakers was The Velvet Underground & Nico's debut album, from 1967.

What was the last show you attended?
The last concert I saw was Biffy Clyro who played a show in my town at G-live on October 28th. It was amazing, the band were incredible, the crowd were insane, I crowd surfed for the second time and basically just had a great night. They are such an good band live, definitely see them if you ever get a chance to.

What was the greatest show you’ve ever been to?
That's a really hard question because every show I've been to was amazing at the time. I think the best one ever was when I saw The Killers at the O2 in 2012 with my best friend. My mum came to it with us - because we share our amazing taste in bands - and her dad bought us the tickets and I have honestly never been so excited for anything in my life. We had seats right up high but even though the arena is huge, the atmosphere was fantastic. We screamed and danced to every song and even though the tour was for their Battle Born album, they played tons of their old stuff and loads of my favourite songs. I think they started with Mr Brightside and from start to finish it was the loudest show I've ever seen, despite how far away we were. In fact I think my ears are still ringing just thinking about it. I'm wearing the tour t-shirt right now. Okay, definitely the best show I've seen. A close second was when I went to Mcfly, I'm not joking: I laughed, I cried, I danced and it was fab.

 
What’s the worst show you’ve ever been to?
Hmm, its either the time I ended up seeing a really terrible scream band for reasons I do not remember, possibly temporary insanity. Anyway it was awful and we ended up leaving mid-way through... trust me, we didn't miss much. Or it was one of the various shows I've seen with my family at the music festival in the tiny town where my grandparents live. Think of granddads with beards and banjos, and although its fun to go and see my cousins and go to the beach, its not exactly my idea of musical heaven.

What’s the most musically involved you have ever been?
I used to do dance and performing arts (before I became a teenager and realised I should never be seen singing in public EVER) and we used to do loads of shows and at the time it was really fun. I was in Annie as a little orphan kid, a show called "Simply The Best!" (don't even ask..) and one for my dance school's 25th anniversary celebration. Try not to laugh too much but one time we had to wear clown outfits.... while singing. I know, I know, I was like twelve at the time, its all in the past.

What show are you looking forward to?
I'm just about dying of excitement to see Taylor Swift in February on the Red Tour. I'm planning on buying a t-shirt, a poster, any other merch I can get my hands on, dancing like a crazy fan-girl, taking a million and one pictures, completely freaking out and singing along to every song.

What is your favourite band shirt?
Either my Killers t-shirt which is beautiful and really soft and lovely or my gorgeous new Twin Atlantic t-shirt. I have a thing for Scottish bands at the moment and I saw them at Reading Festival this year. They did a really good set, despite it being a bit rainy and I ordered the t-shirt online, rather than spend my train fare home buying it at the festival, although trust me, I was tempted to. The only other one I have is Nirvana, but its too big for me and doesn't have memories attached to it of actually experiencing the band. It is pretty though!

What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?
I would love love love to meet Alex Turner from Arctic Monkeys because I am just completely in love with him so I could say him, but there are so many other options too! Like its a really obvious answer but everyone would want to meet Kurt Cobain (obviously impossible) and personally I would want to hang out with The Killers or Stevie Nicks. I also really got into Haim recently and they seem really cool and fun as well as talented, so that's another one.

Who is one musician or group you wish would make a comeback?
I would love for Oasis to reform! And I wish Lou Reed wasn't dead, I got into him via The Killers because his vocals are on one of the tracks from Sam's Town and his voice and lyrics are brilliant.

Who is one band/artist you’ve never seen live but always wanted to?
I've never seen Arctic Monkeys and I've wanted to for ages, hopefully I will do one day. There are lots I'd like to have seen, and sadly one of the members is usually dead. It would have been amazing to see The Smiths but that's never going to happen either - although I did get to see Johnny Marr play.

What are your top 5 favourite bands? 
Right. At the moment...
The Killers.
Biffy Clyro.
Arctic Monkeys.
Frank Turner & The Sleeping Souls
and probably Twin Atlantic.

Name four or more flawless albums:
The Velvet Underground & Nico (self-titled record).
Rumours by Fleetwood Mac is perfection.
Dookie by Greenday. They played the whole thing straight through at Reading and I remembered how much I loved it when I first heard it aged about thirteen.
Hot Fuss by The Killers is one of the best albums I've ever heard.
I don't know... if its just about a flawless album then The XX's first one is unbelievably beautiful.

How many music related videos/DVDs do you own?
I don't actually know if I own any - I watch stuff online rather than buying it and I would rather buy an album than a book. I watched a documentary about The Rolling Stones about four times last year though and about a week ago I watched one about Jimi Hendrix - I just don't own any of them. And honestly, I'm pretty tempted to read Morrissey's book, although maybe I'll just wait until someone I can borrow it from buys it....

How many concerts/shows have you been to, total?
God, I actually don't know! Okay, the first proper one was The Killers, then last year I saw P!nk, I went to Capital Summertime Ball (because Taylor was playing!), I saw The 1975, Frank Turner, The Pogues and I've seen stuff at Guil-fest like Kids in Glass Houses. And then more recently I've seen Mcfly, Paul Weller, Biffy Clyro, Tall Ships, The First and then I saw loads of bands at Reading in the summer: like Frank Turner again, Greenday, Jake Bugg, Johnny Marr, Foals, Alt-J, and Biffy.

Who have you seen the most live?
Frank Turner wins because I've seen him three times: twice at a festival and once supporting someone else, does that count?. But then I've seen The Killers and Biffy both twice so I don't know, one of those three.

What is your favourite movie soundtrack?
Probably The Perks of Being a Wallflower. But 10 Things I Hate About You, 500 Days of Summer and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist definitely make the list as well. Good music = good film.

What was your last musical “phase” before you wisened up?
Oh god, I'm so not "wisened up" yet! Hahahaha I still listen to Mcfly and loads of rubbish stuff. But I like so many different bands, I don't really have phases. I'm always discovering something new and it keeps life interesting. I have phases of listening to something a lot and then forgetting it for about a year and then going OH YEAH I LOVE BLONDIE and then re-listen with fresh ears. Its nice.

What’s your “guilty pleasure” that you hate to admit to liking?
I don't hate to admit to anything if I genuinely like it! Probably the one that I would be laughed at the most for is how much I like Kanye West, HE'S REALLY TALENTED, OKAY! Yeezus is a great album, I will stand up for that opinion. There's not too much else really.

Leave a comment if you feel like answering any of these questions yourself - I won't tag anyone but if you enjoyed reading and want to do your own post please tell me because I would love to hear about other people's favourite bands, guilty pleasures and best ever concert experiences.

xoxo

I forgot how much I love Vampire Weekend....

 

the gloves are off, the wisdom teeth are out

what you on about?

I feel it in my bones, I feel it in my bones

 

 

all your diction, dripping with disdain

through the pain I always tell the truth

 

 

we know the fire awaits unbelievers

all of the sinners the same

girl you and I will die unbelievers, bound

to the tracks of the train

 

 

half of me is the gasoline

but the other half's the surf

 

 

nobody knows what the future holds

said its bad enough just getting old

live my life in self-defense, you know

I love the past cause I hate suspense

 

 

 

paper's shot to pieces

the kids don't stand a chance

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”

Today has been a weird kind of day. I dragged myself out of bed, after pressing snooze a few times, went downstairs and ate what I usually eat for breakfast, swallowed my iron supplement tablet with a mug of green tea and got dressed. I found some clean jeans and chose the rest of my outfit from the mess of clothes, make up, books and magazines on the floor of my (not-usually-quite-this) messy bedroom. Messed around with my hair, put some make up on my face, plugged my headphones in, grabbed my bag and left the house. So far, so normal.

 

 

This is where it changes. I walked into school - early for once in my life - and waited around for my appointment. My appointment to send off my UCAS form. My university application, personal statement, results, predicted grades and reference are currently being sent off to the five places I have applied to. It's all done, it's all finally finished and I can have my life back. It may sound a bit dramatic and it probably is, but I have always been someone who doesn't deal very well with even the idea of change. And this change is a big one. This time next year (hopefully/fingers crossed) I will be finally moved out and living at one of my five choices.... and no, I'm not going to tell you what they are! It's safe to say I would be extremely happy getting into any one of them but for various reasons my application had to be sent off early so, along with everyone else from my sixth form in this position, October 15th has been a big deadline hanging over my head. And now, with under 12 hours to go, it's all done and I can stop worrying. I can go back to spending too much time watching the Gilmore Girls, never quite enough doing notes and essays and coursework and dance around my bedroom or go for a run without feeling guilty that I'm not redrafting my application for the millionth time.

 

 

It's amazing to think about how much has changed in the last couple of years. Everything from my favourite books and music, to the people I'm closest with (except for an amazing few who have stayed the same) and the things that interest me most are completely different. It's really hard not to feel like a different person when so little about my life actually feels recognizable to me. When I was fourteen - aside from the fact I was still convinced I could become a ballet dancer, don't laugh too much - I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. When I was fifteen I thought having a full fringe and short hair was a good idea and when I was sixteen getting my nose pierced was the scariest thing I had ever done. Luckily that one did turn out to be a good decision, and I hope as I finish up being seventeen the good decisions are starting to outweigh the bad ones.

 

 

My friendships have changed beyond recognition, I no longer spend hours of my life perfecting barre exercises or learning solos and fixing new ribbons onto ballet shoes. I talk far more than I used to, and while my family are unsurprised as they complain that I never shut up at home, teachers in sixth form and people I had never bothered trying to get to know are surprised that I have "come out of my shell." I think change is a good thing now. I get bored if I haven't moved my furniture around in a while, constantly need new posters for my walls and feel that live isn't really worth living if I haven't got something new to look forward to just around the corner.

 

 

There are so many plans I have, so many things I want to do before this year ends. I need a new job for starters, I need to save up some money and finish learning to drive. I really really need a new phone. I need to go to Washington DC in February for my Year 13 Politics trip. I need to see Taylor Swift when the Red Tour comes to London (thank you God, for amazing people who buy me tickets for things!) I need to have a lovely Christmas with my family, the last proper one before there are only two people living in our house all the time. I need to make sure I don't worry about them too much but at the same time, set up Skype on my laptop and come home to visit every now and then. I need to go travelling next summer, I NEED to go to Reading Festival again, I need to find my wristband from this year and put it on my pin board, I need to get a new camera and take so many pictures of all the things and people I want to remember. I need my hair to grow some more, I need a lovely prom and a happy ending to being "in school." I don't particularly want to be eighteen and have to start being an "adult," but it's going to happen anyway and I might as well try and love it.

 

 

I used to say I hated where I had grown up, that it was boring, that I wished I had lived somewhere else but I think I actually might be starting to realise how much I'll miss it. I think my resistance to any kind of change comes from the insecurity I have from being moved around the world so much when I was little and being afraid to put down roots and have to leave again. I don't remember it, of course, I was one and two when we moved from England to Hong Kong and back again and three when we moved to where we live now. But I remember the anxiety I had throughout my childhood of people disappearing, of moving away and never coming back. One of my close friends in primary school moved to Italy, another to the other end of the country. Others I have lost touch with since then, Year Nine friendships break up and people move on, things change and there is nothing I can do about it. I remember waving goodbye to my dad so many times from windows and airports and trains - jobs with constant travel are really good for building abandonment issues into your children.  I remember how much easier that made it to say goodbye to him permanently and how much I hated it, and tried to miss him more, on purpose. I remember all of these things and how they have made me into myself.

 

 

I hate looking through my old pictures because I hate how I used to look. I hate hate hate myself with short hair and I have still not quite gotten over it yet. I'm working on it, they were not happy years for me and maybe that was reflected too poignantly in those photos. But there are one lot I found: pictures from my trip to Italy this last summer. I spent nearly three weeks with my mum and little sister and the in photos from this holiday we look the happiest I've ever seen us. I don't know why this is, a combination of sunshine and exploring in a beautiful place? The amazing food, the friendly people, the feeling of being so far away from anything about home? Whatever it is, I intend to capture that feeling and spend as much as possible of the rest of my life being exactly that happy.

 

Who am I?

It is crazy really, this pressure put on everyone to define exactly who they are. What you makes you unique, special, different from the hundreds of other people with the same age or hair colour or even who share your name?

Is it the bands you listen to and the albums you buy? The concerts you attend and the posters you display on your bedroom walls - telling anyone who comes in: This is me, this is what I like, therefore this is who I am.

Is it the books you read, films you watch or TV you like? Is it the characters you care about or the movie adaptations you slate for being "nowhere near as good as the book!"

Is it the social media you use - Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, the list soon to be never ending? The photos you share, the things you retweet, the blog you write too infrequently?

Is it your friends, the memories you share and the things you have in common? Is it your family, your interests, pets, favourite colours and smells, way you drink your tea or coffee or whether you drink it at all? Or whether you drink or smoke, whether you love going out or prefer staying in, whether you are one of the loud, chatty ones, or the one they always say "needs to speak up a bit more?"

Is it whether you like science and numbers or would rather be reading and writing? Is it if you want to go to university, or get a job or start a family or have no idea at all?

Is it all of these things? All of them and the many millions more that go into making up a person: a completely unique individual. Exactly like everyone else - with skin and lungs and legs and eyes - but at the same time a total original, never again to be repeated genetic fluke.

What is about society that insists we have to know the answers to all of these questions. What if the choices you make change, the stuff you used to love no longer makes you happy? Have you changed who you are? Why do I have to define who I am right now, when I and everyone I know are all still trying to work it out?

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

I've found my favourite movie. I probably say this about once a week, or at least every time I watch another Heath Ledger film but I MEAN IT THIS TIME, OKAY!!!

Ten Things I Hate About You came out in 1999 so I have no idea why it took me this long to actually watch it. If this is you then please stop whatever you're doing right now and go see it.

Immediately.

I love it so much I don't think I can actually write about it properly. Instead, I'm just going to tell you 10 things I really, really don't hate about it.

10) It's based on a Shakespeare play and the high school the characters attend is named Padua High. I don't know why I love this, but it's just really cute. Also Patrick "Verona," like in Italy.




9) Kat and Bianca's dad is the best. You're probably supposed to hate him for, like, "OMG, totally ruining everything," but he really cares about his daughters and *spoiler* lets Kat go off to college in the end. I'm tearing up over here.

8) All (or most) of the characters are really smart and intelligent, which makes a nice change from watching teenagers portrayed in films as stupid and irresponsible. The obvious exceptions to this point are part of the plot so we can look past Joey and Chastity.


"Trust you to use long words when you're smashed."

7) JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT. I have nothing else to say about this except: He. Is. Adorable.

6) Mr Morgan. Why isn't he real and why isn't he teaching me English?

5) Bianca reminds me of my little sister. They're both annoying, attention-seeking and have this amazing ability to get exactly what they want but still manage to seem sweet and innocent. She's also definitely the best dressed one in the film.

4) The music. All of it is so good, from the Joan Jett song playing while Kat drives to school to the concert where he asks her out to the bands performing at the prom at the very end.

3) When he buys her the guitar and then kisses her and she just won't shut up interrupting to tell him what to do. I just can't deal with how much I love this bit you guys.

2) Julia Stiles. I think if I was 17 in the nineties rather than now she would be the girl I would secretly want to be but would be too shy to go be friends with. Because she is seriously scary. With great taste in books and music, but still terrifying.

And if you don't cry at her poem, you're either lying or just have no soul.

1) Heath Ledger. <3 <3 <3 And THIS. If it doesn't convince you to watch the film, then I don't think we can be friends.

I wear short skirts, I wear t-shirts.

 "Because she wears high heels, I wear sneakers. She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers..."

Firstly, I love Taylor Swift. Her music makes me want to dance around my bedroom, singing into my hairbrush. It cheers me up after a bad day, a long shift at work or a fight with someone I care about. It makes me smile when I'm already in a good mood, and is the only thing I want playing on a long train journey. I have some tissue paper hearts that came out of the confetti cannon at her Summertime Ball performance on my wall of posters in my room and I own most, if not almost all, of the music she has released. Red is my running music, Speak Now gets me up in the morning and Fearless plays through my headphones while I fall asleep. Listening to We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together got me through my GCSE revision last year as whenever I thought I was going to go mental doing chemistry questions, maths equations or history past papers I would get up and dance madly around my house, singing along and blasting it from my speakers. And I will be the most excited person in the country when she announces UK dates for the Red Tour.

However, listening to the lyrics of You Belong With Me the other day, I realised something. Although it may be my favourite Taylor Swift song, and definitely her best video, it kind of made me sad. Its safe to say its a pretty well known fact that Taylor is famous not only for her music but for her high profile relationships and break ups as well, so it probably isn't a surprise to anyone when she writes songs about heartbreak and girls stealing her boyfriends from her. But something that occurs almost as frequently in her songs as mentions of beautiful blue eyes and driving trucks through the rain, are lines where she sounds pretty harsh or judgemental about other girls. She is a star, so it is in the job description to be entertaining and make music that people will love and want to listen to over and over. You may think that it doesn't really matter whether Taylor Swift makes a bitchy comment in a song - whether its about what a girl "does on the mattress" or what a guy is doing "with a girl like that?" - and you would be right. With people dying in wars all over the world and losing their jobs and homes due to the economy, the lyrics in music could be seen is completely irrelevant. But you could also argue that it is important; that how we talk about people is what makes us who we are.

And, honestly, that line just really irritated me. Because we all (girls.. mostly) have days where we do want to get up in the morning and put on a really short skirt and a lot of eye make up. Perhaps you're not feeling very confident or there's someone you want to impress, maybe you just want to dress up for the day. And sometimes on Taylor Swift's planet it seems like that makes those girls into the "slutty" girls. But at the same time, maybe even the next day, you might wear jeans and trainers, or go bare-faced, not even bothering with mascara and does that then make you the "sweet and innocent" one? The one "listening to the kind of music she doesn't like?" Not really. The way you dress shouldn't influence what other people think of you, and even though the image you present to world can sometimes feel like the most important thing in the world, it's not. Who you are doesn't change because of how you dress or how your hair looks. And sometimes, I want to wear high heels and sneakers at the same time. That's why wedge trainers were invented, okay.

My little sister, her friends and many people their age and younger all love Taylor and I think a lot of parents would prefer their daughter to be singing along to her music rather than Rihanna or Ke$ha. Its a little more innocent and while they may not actually understand some of the lyrics, Taylor Swift's whole image is just that bit more classy, more appropriate for younger girls to look up to. However as much as this is a good thing to have role models, and to admire people who are talented or successful, I think its just as important, personally, to be a "good" person. The definition of this could vary depending on different people's values, or what they see as important, but overall I would say you should be kind about other people. We're all guilty of it, and people who know me might be laughing if they read this, as I have a really sarcastic sense of humour and can probably say some very harsh things. This isn't necessarily something I'm proud of though, and I hope that people know that when I laugh at them, its because we're friends, not in spite of it!

 

So Taylor, maybe you need to take the advice Tina Fey gave you at the Golden Globes. Maybe you do need some "me-time to learn about yourself." And even though I really, really, really loved when Ed Sheeran came on stage with you and sang Everything Has Changed, maybe don't date him just yet. I don't think the world can take another really good break up album with lots of acoustic guitars and it definitely isn't going to handle two. And, last thing - I promise, please don't make that face again, the next time Adele wins an award you wanted... because we all know what you're thinking. And it makes the lyrics to this song look really ironic.
xxx

In Defence of Beyonce...

You may or may not agree with me - and obviously would be entitled to do so - when I say that I believe Beyoncé is one of, if not the, most inspirational women in the public eye today. She is a singer, dancer, businesswoman, mother, director and producer of films, designer  (or at least collaborator - with H &M), married to one of the most famous artists in the music industry, as well as being one in her own right - releasing four best selling albums - and on top of all this recently had time to set up her own website and launch (another) sold-out world tour. This is the woman who sang the USA national anthem unaccompanied at a surprise press conference before delivering a show-stopping Super Bowl Halftime Show; the woman who produced not one but two documentaries about her life as an international star (Year of 4 and Life Is But A Dream); the woman who managed to fit in having a baby somewhere in between starring in the music video for H & M's swimwear collection and appearing in the Chime for Change concert with Givenchy. She is a philanthropist - the charity section on her website contains links to the websites of multiple good causes, some little known and some recognizable to most of us. She is a fashion icon, constantly photographed in the latest stunning designer outfits, models fragrances for Thierry Mugler and her own brand but at the same time also often seen make up free, with baby Blue Ivy in tow.

I don't know what she's eating for breakfast but I want some. We can probably all agree on the fact that managing half of what Beyoncé does would be a massive achievement. And the woman is only 31 - how on earth has she fitted it all in? Does she not need sleep? Maybe she gave up TV watching around the same time as becoming her own manager and record label boss? Whatever the reason, her success is certainly something to aspire to or be inspired by. I can't be the only one who asks themselves on a bad day: What would Beyoncé do? However, recently, for a number of reasons, Beyoncé, and to a certain extent Jay Z as well, have been getting a lot of negative attention from the media. While it's true that "celebrities," some people would argue, have to accept that they will lose some of their right to privacy, and even the right to not be slated on the internet and in newspapers, surely there is a line somewhere? And for me, and maybe for you too, Beyoncé is on the other side of that invisible line. I'm in no way arguing that we should not criticise, evaluate or discuss what she (or any other public figure) does or says or chooses to wear - as in fact entire industries rely on us debating these very things - and I accept that as a society we have chosen to value certain people as entertainers and cultural representatives and therefore we are responsible for holding them to accountable for what they do and how they "represent" us.

 

But I find some of the comments and things that are said about Beyoncé to be almost more offensive or hurtful than things that are said about a lot of other celebrities. Recently, for example, when rumours began to circulate on Twitter and E-online, that Beyoncé is supposedly pregnant with a second baby, some of the comments I read from viewing one webpage on the news story were, for a start, harsh, judgemental and, to be honest, really mean. Why do people feel the need to make comments along these lines? You would never take it upon yourself to make judgements on other people's lives, people you have never met, people you know nothing about, so why do it to someone simply because their career and talents have brought them into the spotlight. Why the hatred for someone so obviously talented? The easy answer would be jealousy, because let's face it, who can say they aren't even the tiniest bit envious of Beyoncé's life. However, I think it goes deeper than that. I think, despite the huge differences between countries such as England and the USA and places such as Saudi Arabia where a woman isn't even allowed to drive a car, we as a society still look at a smart, intelligent, beautiful and successful woman, and perceive her as a threat. Whether or not this is conscious, or perhaps we are unaware of it, it is still a problem. Would Beyoncé be judged in the same way, for simply doing her job as a global superstar by being rich, famous and reportedly spending $1 million dollars on her daughters bedroom, if she was a man? I'm sure many men spend $1 million dollars on a lot of things without being slammed in the global media for it. If you could, and wanted to spend that kind of money on your child - money you had earned and worked for - surely that's your choice alone and you shouldn't have to be judged for doing it.

There are obviously other examples of society judging Beyoncé's life when really its none of our business anyway - who cares if she wants to go on holiday to Cuba, its a beautiful country and her fans there probably really appreciated it. The main one though, that really winds me up, is the constant commentary on the way she (and every other female celebrity ever) looks. As if their bodies, and hair, and faces, and oh my god is she gaining weight/losing weight/gaining too much baby weight/not gaining enough/looking fat/looking too skinny is the only relevant thing about them. Forget talent, and brains, and being a generally good human being: we live in a world that teaches us that all that matters is how we look. And personally, it just drives me insane.

It all links with the comments I talked about previously. Whether or not Beyoncé is pregnant with a second child (and I think we can all agree now that that particular internet storm has died down that it probably isn't the case) does that automatically mean the public, and her "fans" have a right to know? Just because you, as I do, buy someone's albums and enjoy their music, your interest in their personal life doesn't win over their right to have privacy. And reacting to news about a celebrity - even if you have very good reasons to dislike them - by typing anonymous, hurtful comments on the internet just makes you pretty pathetic. And accusing someone of having used "surrogates" for her "fake" pregnancy is another one of these weird trends: Kim Kardashian being another example.

I think that what I'm trying to say is since when did we all stop knowing how to be nice to one another? I don't mean nice as in being a pushover, but in the sense of being kind. Allowing people to get away with being horrible about those in the public eye translates to children growing up in a culture that teaches them its okay to make nasty comments, okay to be a bully and okay to make other people feel small in order to make themselves feel better. I don't want to live in a world where we accept this behaviour. I want to live in a world where someone as inspirational as Beyoncé is given credit for all the good things she does, for helping girls to feel good about themselves and the way they look when they see a woman who resembles what they see in the mirror being so successful and influential. If Michelle Obama considers Beyoncé a good role model for her daughters, and therefore for young girls everywhere, I don't see any reason to disagree.

 

Have a look at this article, or, as it says, take it from Beyoncé herself: "I guess I am a modern-day feminist. I do believe in equality. Why do you have to choose what type of woman you are? Why do you have to label yourself anything? I'm just a woman and I love being a woman..." (Vogue).

Any questions?

Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

Infinity certainly seems to be becoming a theme in quirky indie movies, from the ubiquity of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower's: "I feel infinite," to the mainstream blockbuster success of Keira Knightley and Steve Carrell's: Seeking a Friend For The End Of The World. For what could be more infinite than oblivion? So when I found myself with an Amazon gift token to hand and an hour to spare to browse through my (incredibly lengthy) Amazon wish list, it was no surprise that my thoughts continued along in this vein. One of the first movies to catch my eye was the enchantingly unusual yet romantic looking Nick & Norah's (Michael Cera and Kat Dennings) Infinite Playlist. Two further factors encouraged me to hit the Order Now button: firstly, its set on one night in New York City, possibly number 1 on my list of Places I Most Want To Go, and secondly, being centred around music, with the two title characters engrossed on a journey to find a secret show by their favourite band, it was sure to appeal to my inner music geek. Oh, and it was under £2.99 with free shipping. So when the parcel arrived today and I eagerly tore off the wrapping, I was very excited. Its becoming rarer for me to discover a (recent) rom-com that I haven't seen and want to watch and when this happens I like to actually own the DVD. And with its premise "EVERY NIGHT HAS A SOUNDTRACK" it certainly fitted the bill. Oh, and as you can see, it also has great posters. What more could you want?

I also think I sort of want to be her.

(Before you begin, this will contain probably all the possible spoilers there could be. Don't say I didn't warn you.) The story begins in a teenage boy's (Cera) bedroom where he's leaving a message, for what is clearly not the first time, on his ex-girlfriend's mobile. With his walls covered in photos of the pair of them and a mix-CD he is making for her (again, definitely not the first one) burning in his laptop, it couldn't be made more plain how very not over her he is. The action then cuts to an New York City high school where a teenage girl (Denning's) is leaving a classroom. She is in her own world, dancing to the music playing through the huge pair of headphones she is wearing. With the two romantic leads now established, the camera returns to the boy. Nick's friends arrive and after some drama - he is depressed over his ex and "taking a mental health day," - they convince him to set off to play their show. Meanwhile, Norah is also making her Friday night plans with a couple of other girls - one of whom is Nick's evil ex,Tris, as well as Caroline, the best friend and subject of the later drunk-girl-search-party (very entertaining) sub-plot.

While Cera and Denning's don't for a minute resemble actual 18 year olds, and to be honest from the DVD cover art I was expecting a storyline centering on a couple of twenty-something characters which would have been more plausible, at least to begin with, they do in fact do a very good job of conveying the awkwardness and uncertainty of teenage-ness and once you suspend your initial disbelief are very convincing in their roles. Michael Cera seems to be forever playing this type of character - the sensitive nerd with a heart - while I have only ever seen Kat Denning's as Max in Two Broke Girls, a far more brash and confident role, so it was interesting to see her playing a quieter and far less self-assured "post-Juno" type teen. I also loved how the film explored her vulnerabilities and confusion. Without making her the centre-piece of what is essentially an ensemble-movie, Norah is beautifully realistic and easy to identify with, in everything from her uncertainty in relationships and shyness to the choices she makes about leaving home and finding something afresh for herself. Her music taste also makes her an appealing character. What do "The Cure" cure anyway? Being known as "The Cause" would be a better name, surely? I've often thought this but not in so many words. It is literally the best thing in a movie when a character, especially a character you can love, voices an unconscious thought you could never pin down. Much of this is due to Kat Dennings' incredible acting, and also: She Is Hot. Its just a fact. People need to go read her blog too: the girl is just as funny and lovable in her own words too. http://www.katdennings.com/  I don't know whether I would rather be her, be her best friend or just marry her. Its definitely a girl crush. Thoughts?

Most of the plot from then on focused on a) Nick's band mates setting him and Norah up (or rather forcing them into a car together,) b) Nick and Norah getting over both of their toxic past relationships and c) the hunt for "Where's Fluffy?" the band that brought them all together in the first place combined with d) tracking down the out-of-control Caroline. Unlike many typical awkward-comedies (I feel like this could be a whole new sub-genre - mostly starring Michael Cera), the events all take place on one fateful night in NYC. The city almost acts as a character in the story, throwing events and strange coincidences in the faces of the people out for the night, and as the viewers follow the errant Caroline and her ever-more disgusting bubble gum across the city and through various mouths and sewage systems, it becomes clearer how the nature of this city and growing up there has affected these people. From the yellow "cab," to the music, to the food and the general gross-ness of a Friday night-to-early-morning in the city, even to the cover art of Nick's incredibly pathetic mix-CDs, this movie is like the essence of New York (or what I and millions of other people who never been there imagine it to be like) condensed and bottled. Also, I know that this was 2008 but did people still listen to CDs then? I don't actually remember which is a bit worrying.



While I, along with many other people in my generation (I hope) would like to live in a world where a person's sexuality and who they choose or don't choose to love is not an issue, or at least not something needing to forever be commented on, it is necessary to mention as a part of this film. Tom and Dev, Nick's two band mates, as well as Lothario, the guy who tags along for the ride, are just portrayed as people. Normal guys who happen to be gay - it isn't written as their one defining attribute; there is no plotline surrounding it or exploring it particularly; it is just accepted as part of what makes them who they are. While in real life this is obviously the case, this is often not how gay or lesbian characters are portrayed in Hollywood and even though in the movie this is not made an issue of, every review does seem to make a point of this, precisely for that reason. This seems to me, however not having much personal experience with this issue, to be a really good thing and almost a step-forward for movies in general. In my opinion, this factor also contributes to the sense of "New York" as a concept being a real formative part of these characters. Having lived in the big city and had their eyes opened to a far greater and more open variety of people than they would have experienced in small-town or Bible-Belt America has made them into emotionally more mature and rounded people than their contemporaries in other parts of the county. This is presented so well on the show Glee, as it really explores the affect of the small-town, religious mentality present in states such as Ohio and the impact this has on the quality of life on characters such as Kurt, Santana and even to some extent even Finn, who struggles even to acknowledge his friendship and brotherhood with his out-and-proud stepbrother for fear of also being bullied. Another good point about Infinite Playlist is that there are, by my count, no gay jokes, unless made by the guys themselves - importantly avoiding undermining the attitude the film seeks to present: that for these high-schoolers, sexuality really is not worthy of comment. The awkwardness around working this through is to some extent touched on but overall Tom and Dev (and Lothario - although a minor character) are allowed and encouraged to be totally honest and themselves and celebrated for this. We all want to live in a world where this stops being an issue or presented as any different or as a special exception to the "normal" teenage experience - and I believe this film sets out to at least try to make that a reality, even just for a night. As the soundtrack says: "I believe in miracles."

Thanks for reading - I hope you enjoyed my review and I also hope you have been at least slightly inspired to go and watch Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist and discover how incredible it is for yourself.

Jessica
xoxo 



So 2013 started...

Wow, I haven't done this in a while. I actually forgot where the *write new post* button was when I logged on to blogger but I found it and now I have to think of something to say.... just kidding. I always have lots to say but no time to put it on the blog. Which makes me really sad when I think about it because before you know it, the thing that felt really important and that you wanted to comment on or share with people has gone, and is a part of last week or last month, or, now, last year. Time feels like its going extremely fast lately or is it just me? I mean 2013! When did that happen?! It still feels new and exciting but maybe that's just because I am always childish about New Years. I know its a crazy cliche but it really means a fresh start, a clean slate. You can start over - stop doing whatever you always meant to give up, start running, eating healthier, quit smoking... "New Year, New You" and all that jazz.
Or, if you're like me and have very unrealistic expectations, you could do what I did this year and write 12 resolutions and put them in a jar. One for each month. I was going to do 13 for 2013, but then I changed my mind about one of them and anyway - I need something for next year right?!

Yeah I have an actual jar of resolutions.
 This makes me happy.

Anyway, I am literally not even kidding about this: I have genuinely forgotten what most of them are. I know. That's quite bad, given that we're only 17 days into January. But starting tomorrow (my last exam... ugh physics) I will start on one of them. I will pick a random one out and attempt to do that for the last... um, please don't make me work out how many days are left this month. I've done about five hours of physics revision today. My brain hurts and I officially hate numbers. On my planet, New Year's Resolutions aren't actually things I expect myself to achieve. At least not in the sense of being able to look back on December 31st 2013 and mentally tick them all off the list. They're ideas and things I want to try doing, hopefully things that over the year will lead me to having some amazing experiences. I don't want to jinx anything but there is a chance that by about October, I might have saved up enough to be getting on a plane to somewhere I've wanted to go for as long as I can remember.... (No prizes if you can work out where that is but leave me a comment below if you think you've figured it out!)

In other news THIS is definitely the best thing I have seen probably ever on the internet. I cried actual tears you guys.

Are you having a good start to January? And what are your resolutions this year? And the most important question is: WHO HAS HAD SNOW??? I love the snow and according to the power of the TV weather guys and girls, my town might be getting quite a lot of it tomorrow which is the best thing since Taylor Swift breaking up with Harry Styles.

Jessica

xoxo