Once upon a time...

Long ago, in a land not so far away, as this bittersweet, modern-day fairy-tale shows us, a girl meets a boy. A boy with a guitar, a broken heart and an unrecorded album in him enough to get him across the ocean to the life of his dreams. This unnamed Irish musician along with an equally mysterious and talented Czech piano player carry us into a world where anything seems possible. She has a broken hoover, a complicated family, a talent for sharing her own joy with all she meets and changes his life irreversibly and forever.

But the course of neither true love nor musical success never did run smooth, and this whirlwind ride through the pubs and bars, kitchen tables and poky upstairs bedrooms, recording studios and vacuum cleaner repair shops of Dublin is no exception. With an ending as poignant as it is surprising this show lets you take nothing for granted and will break your heart, leaving you wondering, wishing, hoping, like its two romantic protagonists.

Once takes it's audience on a magical, musical journey, encouraging you to follow your dreams and open your eyes to the world around you - with plenty of stomping and clapping Irish and Czech folk music to keep your spirits up every step of the way. A love song to the power of kindness in strangers, the importance of friendship, music and following your heart and a story that will leave even the saddest of faces nodding, smiling and clapping along.

I can safely say it's the most uplifted I've ever felt leaving a theatre and something to regret missing out on! "Once" The Musical opened on Broadway in 2012, winning eight Tony Awards including Best Musical, before appearing in London's West End at the Phoenix Theatre in 2013. I saw the show in April 2014 with Doctor Who's Arthur Darvill as "Guy" and Zrinka Cvitesic as "Girl," who were both absolutely amazing. This show is truly a once-in-a-lifetime musical experience.

And if you need any more convincing...

 

Oh, and by the way: "Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, who wrote the music and lyrics for the film, have composed the music for Once the Musical. They won an Oscar for the song Falling Slowly." I got emotional again just listening to the soundtrack while writing this. Enjoy xox

 

"Welcome to the Dallas Buyer's Club."

"Let me give y'all a little news flash. There ain't nothin' out there can kill fuckin' Ron Woodroof in 30 days."
 

Yesterday, seeing as I've made it a mission in my life to watch all of the Oscars Best Picture nominees before the awards show, I went to see Dallas Buyer's Club. I came out of the movie feeling emotional, conflicted, kind of angry and also with this peaceful sense that I'd just had a bucketful of incredible life lessons thrown at me.

"I swear it, Ray, God sure was dressin' the wrong doll when he blessed you with a set of balls."

Usually it take me a while to feel I want to write about a book, an experience or a movie. Not this time. I was composing sentences of this post in my head as I walked out of the cinema, scribbling notes on my phone as I raced home and grabbing my laptop as soon as I got through the front door.

"I've been looking for you, lone star."

The story of Ron Woodroof, played by Matthew McConaughey, follows a homophobic Texan cowboy through his diagnosis with HIV, his denial and anger, his fight with the state and the government's medical authorities over non approved but life saving drugs, his friendships, loves and losses and his complex path to increasing acceptance and tolerance of difference.

 

"Oh, I'm the drug dealer? No, you're the fuckin' drug dealer. I mean, goddamn, people are dyin'. And y'all are up there afraid that we're gonna find an alternative without you."

It deals with the "othering" and cruel, thoughtless rejections he experiences from people he thought were his friends. It discusses the pointlessness and corruption - or maybe just simple incompetence - of the federal response to the AIDS crisis. It handles all of the sudden messiness of an illness that seems to spring out of nowhere and the horror of fighting something so insidious all the while with the society you live in blaming and passing judgement on you for your perceived "wrongdoings;" with no one on your team, no one in your corner.

Rayon: "This guy says that the Florida Buyers Club is cheaper."
Ron: "Well then, tell him to go back to the FUCKIN' SUNSHINE STATE!"

It's no spoiler to the film to state that Ron does eventually pass away - because while HIV does not constitute a death sentence (although being born of course does...) it does bring your unavoidable and final end that bit closer.

 

"A little tequila, sunshine and tacos never hurt anybody."

Essentially, in my opinion, death is one of the least fucked-up elements of the condition of being human. All I or anyone else can promise you that is completely and inescapably true, is the fact that one day you will cease to be alive, just like everyone else who has ever taken a breath on this earth.

"Would you stop starin' at her tits, Rayon, you're startin' to look normal."

This truth should, rationally, be followed by the acceptance of its inevitability. But humans are scared by death. We spend our lives running from it, grieving it, crying over it and yet we are still somehow still surprised when it catches up with us or those we love.

"That shit is purer than a preacher daughter's pussy, right there."

 

I have more familiarity than I would like with death. I don't claim to know very much about the HIV virus or Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) but I have seen several of my family members lose their battles with cancer, with liver disease and organ failure and simply with old age. I've held their hands while they lay in hospital or hospice beds and I think this qualifies me enough to say that the film's depiction of these realities was accurate and moving.

"You know what? You don't deserve my money, you homophobic asshole."

I know what dying people look like: the way their muscles shrink and their yellowing skin shrivels, hanging from skinny limbs. I know the smells and sounds of hospitals: antibacterial hand soaps, the harsh stench of medicines, steadily sloshing drips and the glugging churn and whir of dialysis systems. I've seen their tired, reddening eyes grow a little more scared with each slow, painful day until the blissful relief of unconsciousness. And while it was sad to see these facts reflected back from a cinema screen, it's also a relief to remember how normal, how everyday and unremarkable even, it all is.

"Mr Woodroof, I'm afraid that you're nothing more than a common drug dealer..."

However, watching this film also reminded me of how much the benefits are worth the effort of being aware and careful of what you put into your body. You shouldn't be blindly trusting of what anyone else tells you about something as personal as your own health, your own existence, your own death, in fact.  Not doctors, not governments - as no one knows better what is best for you and what your own unique and individual cells and tissues need than you yourself do. Having independence over what you allow to go into your system completely affects your power to control how you feel and how well or sick you are.

"I like your style, doc."

I loved so much about Dallas Buyer's Club. I loved the script and the moments when I laughed, the scenes that made me cry, the actors - including Jared Leto and Jennifer Garner - being amazing and vulnerable and real at the same time as playing characters so flawed and deep and unconventional. I loved how graceful and kind they were to one another; how there was warmth and humour, love and family even in the middle of terrible pain and addiction and the random unfairness of disease.

"Congratulations... fuck off and go back to your bed."

Basically, what I'm trying to say, is that you should definitely not let my ramblings about death put you off and that you really, really, really need to see this film.

xox

Saving Mr Banks ...

It's hard to know what to say - what to start with - when trying to describe this film. I could tell you that you definitely need to see it; that you will laugh, cry and want to shout at the screen; that by the end, whatever your feelings on Disney, you will love and adore the characters and hope that Emma Thompson writes all future scripts for all movies. "Saving Mr Banks," as well as being the story of how the much loved children's book "Mary Poppins" was made into an equally - if not more so - loved Disney film, is about a (now grown up) little girl and her relationship with her father. It is about how your past haunts you into adulthood, and if you aren't careful and willing to let it go, all through your life. It is about love and loss, about watching your parents screw up their lives and, by extension yours. 




I have to confess I didn't cry while watching it. I didn't cry as two small girls watched their father drink himself closer and closer to death and then eventually, gently even, slip over the edge. I didn't cry as the oldest daughter saved her unstable mother from a suicide attempt. I didn't cry as P. L. Travers, now a fully grown-up woman and a successful writer, crumpled into tears watching her childhood brought to life in a magical, moving film that somehow made all of that pain as close as it would ever be to alright. In fact the closest to tears I got was as she hugged a Mickey Mouse cuddly toy all alone in L. A. and realised how just how very lonely she was.

 

Trust me, you need to watch this film. If you love the story of the nanny who blew in with the east wind, carrying a magic carpet bag; providing the spoonfuls of sugar needed to help the life lessons go down, then you will enjoy seeing a whole new element to her creation brought to life. If you are yet to be won over by the singing and the dancing, the mystery and adventures - the dancing penguins and the flying kites in London skies, the suffragettes, the chimney sweeps and the echoing cathedral with it's swooping birds - prepare to have your opinions changed. Emma Thompson is totally magical and has written a movie that will sweep the most hardened Disney haters off their feet. Tom Hanks is ideal as Walt Disney - the storyteller who makes dreams come true and characters dance off the page and into imaginations all over the world.
 

 

The songs that make "Mary Poppins" so wonderful are all here. From Chim-Chiminey to Supercallifragilistic to Feed the Birds (sobs) and Fly A Kite, you can easily spend the whole film singing along and will come away feeling oddly reminded of your childhood, however distant it seems day to day. Personally, among others such as Annie and The Sound of Music, Mulan, Peter Pan and Pocohontas, "Mary Poppins" was one of the films I watched with my sister about 743682 times when we were little. It's really rare to see something that perfectly appreciates what's so wonderful about the original, but adds to it beautifully, expanding on the themes you were only partially aware of, when watching curled up on the sofa, having begged to stay up past bedtime to finish the ending. It allows you to love it again in a whole new way; seeing it with fresh, grown-up - or at least closer to it - eyes. 

 

And finally, no. She didn't come to save the children. She never did. Excuse me while I go and cry over how perfect "Saving Mr Banks" is, re-watch "Mary Poppins" and spend the next three weeks raving about it to everyone I know.

xox

LES MIS

Ever since I first heard of Les Miserables, I have been fascinated and a tiny bit obsessed with it. I sobbed my way through it more than once in the cinema, insisted on helping out with every show when my school performed the musical - just to get to be there and watch it each night - and was given both the film soundtrack and a copy of the original book for my 17th birthday. Although at the moment the (huge) chunky text is sat being quietly ignored on my bookshelf - its about 7,000 pages long, okay?! - I've definitely been inspired to attempt to read it now. Maybe when I've watched the movie once more...

 

Anyway, yesterday, December 23rd, I was lucky enough to go and see the musical in the West End. I've been hoping this would happen for about two or so years now so it was a completely amazing experience. The show recently moved to Queen's Theatre and is now the longest running musical in the world. We booked tickets really last minute so ended up being sat at the back of the stalls, which isn't ideal as you can't really see the top of the barricades from there. However, the singing, the actors, costumes, sets and everything else about it made it so incredible that I stopped noticing the fact that some of the characters looked like they didn't have heads and I'm already planning to go again sometime.

I think the reason so many people all over the world love this show so much is because of how relatable it is. That may sound strange, given that the whole thing is set in revolutionary France, and we like to think the world has moved on since then. But all of the different bits of plot, the complicated lives of all the characters, mean that whatever you have experienced in your life, you can see a little bit of it in Les Mis. There are so many different relationships, so many themes going on, and the story is universal, ending with a message of hope, even when surrounded by death.

It's fair to say that Les Miserables isn't the most "happy" musical you could imagine - it's name is basically French for: "The Miserable Ones" after all - which is why the comic parts of it are so important. The audience sat up a bit straighter when the Thenardier's came on stage and their songs are the most entertaining by far. The contrast of laughing at them and enjoying the humour in their scenes makes you appreciate the sadness of the deaths of several characters and feel that you are on an emotional rollercoaster - everything from danger, fear, love, anger, redemption and finally hope are explored throughout the nearly 3 hour running time. It might be a long musical but it seemed to go by seriously fast. I felt like the curtains had only just risen when the actors started taking their bows to a standing ovation. My eye makeup was cried off down my cheeks by the middle of Act 1, I literally had to force myself not to start singing along and I can honestly say I hoped it would never be over. If you ever get the chance to see Les Miserables, definitely say yes! It's an experience you will never forget; you'll find yourself humming the songs weeks later, wishing you could see it for the first time all over again.

Thank you...

Thursday November 28th 2013. Today is Thanksgiving, in the USA and Canada. Traditionally celebrated on the fourth and last Thursday of the month, the holiday was originally a harvest festival and is now an opportunity for people to spend time with their families and those they love, share food and appreciate what they are grateful and thankful for in their lives. Or if your name is Joey or Monica, to shove a giant uncooked turkey onto your head... oh Friends references. Of course many people take issue with Thanksgiving, arguing that, as it is essentially a holiday celebrating the destruction of Native American people and their homes and communities, its a bit ridiculous, hypocritical and insensitive of everyone else to spend the day roasting turkeys, consuming pumpkin pies and watching football games and parades. I think this is probably true to a certain extent, but at its heart I think Thanksgiving is a really lovely idea. If you can ignore the aspects that you may personally disagree with, and enjoy the spirit of it: being grateful for what is good in your life, and appreciating how lucky you are, then there are a lot of benefits to be found.

Its quite sad that we don't celebrate in the UK. In my opinion we could all do with feeling grateful a bit more often. I know I spend so much time thinking about the future, the things I wish would happen, the things I want, the expectations I have, that I barely ever take the time to think about what is good about right now, in the present. Not to sound incredibly cheesy and annoying, but we are all pretty lucky. Most people have roofs over their heads, families and friends who love them, exciting things to look forward to. I think its nice to spend a day enjoying those things rather than obsessing over everything we could potentially do or have at some unspecified time in the future. To be honest the worst things I have to worry about are not life threatening or even that bad at all: getting a job, trying to learn enough to pass my A-levels, hopefully going to university. And although everyday life gets boring and stressful, and November is a horrible month, and getting out from under your duvet in the morning is a challenge and sometimes you just have a bad day, thinking about all the good things about life is the best way to make yourself feel happy again.

 

I'm happy that Christmas is now less than a month away. I'm grateful for my bed being really warm and snuggly so I can hide from the world with cups of tea when I'm feeling ill. I'm thankful for all the stuff that I love that makes me happy, like all the covers of Love is on the Radio with Carrie and Giovanna. And this Taylor Swift song. And just for YouTube in general and Twitter and the fact that I have lots of blogs to read. And Rookie and Humans of New York for making me feel better about humanity. I'm excited for all the things I have planned for the next couple of months. I'm happy that I watched this video earlier today and that it gave me the idea to write this. (I'm also thankful for lots of the same things... Harry Potter, socks, tea and coffee, just to name a few.) And make up. I'm very grateful to whoever invented mascara and concealer and bronzer and all the other stuff that means when I get basically no sleep I don't have to look like an actual zombie, despite feeling like one.

What are you thankful for today? Happy Thanksgiving!

Lets all laugh at the bands I like.....

So my friend Robyn wants me to answer some question about my music taste... which is obviously because it's so great and not at all because she wants to laugh at me. I don't see anything wrong with the fact that I love Mcfly, The Killers and (not even that secretly...) Kanye West, along with the Arctic Monkeys, Biffy Clyro and Nirvana. I'm just all about encouraging diversity... mainly on my iPod, and yes, I did just put it on shuffle and the first song that came on was Starlight, by Taylor Swift. What do you mean you don't like that song...?!?!

Anyway...

Which bands/artist do you own the most albums by?
I own everything recorded by The Killers and I think all the Biffy Clyro albums as well. I also have a whole lot of Taylor Swift OF COURSE. As well as that I have tons of my dad's music - so basically a lot of Oasis and Bruce Springsteen albums. I told you it was diverse...

What was the last song you listened to?
I'm writing this while watching the Gilmore Girls, but the last thing I listened to was either Vampire Weekend's album Modern Vampires of the City, Boys in Books, by Carrie Hope Fletcher or a band called Moose Blood that I discovered the other day. Someone I follow on twitter posted a song by them and I listened and fell in love with the lyrics....

I guess I'll never know why you closed the window,
Start reading Hemingway, start drinking cups of Earl Grey
then I guess maybe one day.. I'll be yours forever....

What’s in your CD player right now?
I don't have a CD player anymore - who does?! - but I used to and I miss it to be honest. I still own loads of CDs and mostly I just cut up the sleeves to add to my wall of posters and tickets. The last thing I played from my iPod speakers was The Velvet Underground & Nico's debut album, from 1967.

What was the last show you attended?
The last concert I saw was Biffy Clyro who played a show in my town at G-live on October 28th. It was amazing, the band were incredible, the crowd were insane, I crowd surfed for the second time and basically just had a great night. They are such an good band live, definitely see them if you ever get a chance to.

What was the greatest show you’ve ever been to?
That's a really hard question because every show I've been to was amazing at the time. I think the best one ever was when I saw The Killers at the O2 in 2012 with my best friend. My mum came to it with us - because we share our amazing taste in bands - and her dad bought us the tickets and I have honestly never been so excited for anything in my life. We had seats right up high but even though the arena is huge, the atmosphere was fantastic. We screamed and danced to every song and even though the tour was for their Battle Born album, they played tons of their old stuff and loads of my favourite songs. I think they started with Mr Brightside and from start to finish it was the loudest show I've ever seen, despite how far away we were. In fact I think my ears are still ringing just thinking about it. I'm wearing the tour t-shirt right now. Okay, definitely the best show I've seen. A close second was when I went to Mcfly, I'm not joking: I laughed, I cried, I danced and it was fab.

 
What’s the worst show you’ve ever been to?
Hmm, its either the time I ended up seeing a really terrible scream band for reasons I do not remember, possibly temporary insanity. Anyway it was awful and we ended up leaving mid-way through... trust me, we didn't miss much. Or it was one of the various shows I've seen with my family at the music festival in the tiny town where my grandparents live. Think of granddads with beards and banjos, and although its fun to go and see my cousins and go to the beach, its not exactly my idea of musical heaven.

What’s the most musically involved you have ever been?
I used to do dance and performing arts (before I became a teenager and realised I should never be seen singing in public EVER) and we used to do loads of shows and at the time it was really fun. I was in Annie as a little orphan kid, a show called "Simply The Best!" (don't even ask..) and one for my dance school's 25th anniversary celebration. Try not to laugh too much but one time we had to wear clown outfits.... while singing. I know, I know, I was like twelve at the time, its all in the past.

What show are you looking forward to?
I'm just about dying of excitement to see Taylor Swift in February on the Red Tour. I'm planning on buying a t-shirt, a poster, any other merch I can get my hands on, dancing like a crazy fan-girl, taking a million and one pictures, completely freaking out and singing along to every song.

What is your favourite band shirt?
Either my Killers t-shirt which is beautiful and really soft and lovely or my gorgeous new Twin Atlantic t-shirt. I have a thing for Scottish bands at the moment and I saw them at Reading Festival this year. They did a really good set, despite it being a bit rainy and I ordered the t-shirt online, rather than spend my train fare home buying it at the festival, although trust me, I was tempted to. The only other one I have is Nirvana, but its too big for me and doesn't have memories attached to it of actually experiencing the band. It is pretty though!

What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?
I would love love love to meet Alex Turner from Arctic Monkeys because I am just completely in love with him so I could say him, but there are so many other options too! Like its a really obvious answer but everyone would want to meet Kurt Cobain (obviously impossible) and personally I would want to hang out with The Killers or Stevie Nicks. I also really got into Haim recently and they seem really cool and fun as well as talented, so that's another one.

Who is one musician or group you wish would make a comeback?
I would love for Oasis to reform! And I wish Lou Reed wasn't dead, I got into him via The Killers because his vocals are on one of the tracks from Sam's Town and his voice and lyrics are brilliant.

Who is one band/artist you’ve never seen live but always wanted to?
I've never seen Arctic Monkeys and I've wanted to for ages, hopefully I will do one day. There are lots I'd like to have seen, and sadly one of the members is usually dead. It would have been amazing to see The Smiths but that's never going to happen either - although I did get to see Johnny Marr play.

What are your top 5 favourite bands? 
Right. At the moment...
The Killers.
Biffy Clyro.
Arctic Monkeys.
Frank Turner & The Sleeping Souls
and probably Twin Atlantic.

Name four or more flawless albums:
The Velvet Underground & Nico (self-titled record).
Rumours by Fleetwood Mac is perfection.
Dookie by Greenday. They played the whole thing straight through at Reading and I remembered how much I loved it when I first heard it aged about thirteen.
Hot Fuss by The Killers is one of the best albums I've ever heard.
I don't know... if its just about a flawless album then The XX's first one is unbelievably beautiful.

How many music related videos/DVDs do you own?
I don't actually know if I own any - I watch stuff online rather than buying it and I would rather buy an album than a book. I watched a documentary about The Rolling Stones about four times last year though and about a week ago I watched one about Jimi Hendrix - I just don't own any of them. And honestly, I'm pretty tempted to read Morrissey's book, although maybe I'll just wait until someone I can borrow it from buys it....

How many concerts/shows have you been to, total?
God, I actually don't know! Okay, the first proper one was The Killers, then last year I saw P!nk, I went to Capital Summertime Ball (because Taylor was playing!), I saw The 1975, Frank Turner, The Pogues and I've seen stuff at Guil-fest like Kids in Glass Houses. And then more recently I've seen Mcfly, Paul Weller, Biffy Clyro, Tall Ships, The First and then I saw loads of bands at Reading in the summer: like Frank Turner again, Greenday, Jake Bugg, Johnny Marr, Foals, Alt-J, and Biffy.

Who have you seen the most live?
Frank Turner wins because I've seen him three times: twice at a festival and once supporting someone else, does that count?. But then I've seen The Killers and Biffy both twice so I don't know, one of those three.

What is your favourite movie soundtrack?
Probably The Perks of Being a Wallflower. But 10 Things I Hate About You, 500 Days of Summer and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist definitely make the list as well. Good music = good film.

What was your last musical “phase” before you wisened up?
Oh god, I'm so not "wisened up" yet! Hahahaha I still listen to Mcfly and loads of rubbish stuff. But I like so many different bands, I don't really have phases. I'm always discovering something new and it keeps life interesting. I have phases of listening to something a lot and then forgetting it for about a year and then going OH YEAH I LOVE BLONDIE and then re-listen with fresh ears. Its nice.

What’s your “guilty pleasure” that you hate to admit to liking?
I don't hate to admit to anything if I genuinely like it! Probably the one that I would be laughed at the most for is how much I like Kanye West, HE'S REALLY TALENTED, OKAY! Yeezus is a great album, I will stand up for that opinion. There's not too much else really.

Leave a comment if you feel like answering any of these questions yourself - I won't tag anyone but if you enjoyed reading and want to do your own post please tell me because I would love to hear about other people's favourite bands, guilty pleasures and best ever concert experiences.

xoxo

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”

Today has been a weird kind of day. I dragged myself out of bed, after pressing snooze a few times, went downstairs and ate what I usually eat for breakfast, swallowed my iron supplement tablet with a mug of green tea and got dressed. I found some clean jeans and chose the rest of my outfit from the mess of clothes, make up, books and magazines on the floor of my (not-usually-quite-this) messy bedroom. Messed around with my hair, put some make up on my face, plugged my headphones in, grabbed my bag and left the house. So far, so normal.

 

 

This is where it changes. I walked into school - early for once in my life - and waited around for my appointment. My appointment to send off my UCAS form. My university application, personal statement, results, predicted grades and reference are currently being sent off to the five places I have applied to. It's all done, it's all finally finished and I can have my life back. It may sound a bit dramatic and it probably is, but I have always been someone who doesn't deal very well with even the idea of change. And this change is a big one. This time next year (hopefully/fingers crossed) I will be finally moved out and living at one of my five choices.... and no, I'm not going to tell you what they are! It's safe to say I would be extremely happy getting into any one of them but for various reasons my application had to be sent off early so, along with everyone else from my sixth form in this position, October 15th has been a big deadline hanging over my head. And now, with under 12 hours to go, it's all done and I can stop worrying. I can go back to spending too much time watching the Gilmore Girls, never quite enough doing notes and essays and coursework and dance around my bedroom or go for a run without feeling guilty that I'm not redrafting my application for the millionth time.

 

 

It's amazing to think about how much has changed in the last couple of years. Everything from my favourite books and music, to the people I'm closest with (except for an amazing few who have stayed the same) and the things that interest me most are completely different. It's really hard not to feel like a different person when so little about my life actually feels recognizable to me. When I was fourteen - aside from the fact I was still convinced I could become a ballet dancer, don't laugh too much - I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. When I was fifteen I thought having a full fringe and short hair was a good idea and when I was sixteen getting my nose pierced was the scariest thing I had ever done. Luckily that one did turn out to be a good decision, and I hope as I finish up being seventeen the good decisions are starting to outweigh the bad ones.

 

 

My friendships have changed beyond recognition, I no longer spend hours of my life perfecting barre exercises or learning solos and fixing new ribbons onto ballet shoes. I talk far more than I used to, and while my family are unsurprised as they complain that I never shut up at home, teachers in sixth form and people I had never bothered trying to get to know are surprised that I have "come out of my shell." I think change is a good thing now. I get bored if I haven't moved my furniture around in a while, constantly need new posters for my walls and feel that live isn't really worth living if I haven't got something new to look forward to just around the corner.

 

 

There are so many plans I have, so many things I want to do before this year ends. I need a new job for starters, I need to save up some money and finish learning to drive. I really really need a new phone. I need to go to Washington DC in February for my Year 13 Politics trip. I need to see Taylor Swift when the Red Tour comes to London (thank you God, for amazing people who buy me tickets for things!) I need to have a lovely Christmas with my family, the last proper one before there are only two people living in our house all the time. I need to make sure I don't worry about them too much but at the same time, set up Skype on my laptop and come home to visit every now and then. I need to go travelling next summer, I NEED to go to Reading Festival again, I need to find my wristband from this year and put it on my pin board, I need to get a new camera and take so many pictures of all the things and people I want to remember. I need my hair to grow some more, I need a lovely prom and a happy ending to being "in school." I don't particularly want to be eighteen and have to start being an "adult," but it's going to happen anyway and I might as well try and love it.

 

 

I used to say I hated where I had grown up, that it was boring, that I wished I had lived somewhere else but I think I actually might be starting to realise how much I'll miss it. I think my resistance to any kind of change comes from the insecurity I have from being moved around the world so much when I was little and being afraid to put down roots and have to leave again. I don't remember it, of course, I was one and two when we moved from England to Hong Kong and back again and three when we moved to where we live now. But I remember the anxiety I had throughout my childhood of people disappearing, of moving away and never coming back. One of my close friends in primary school moved to Italy, another to the other end of the country. Others I have lost touch with since then, Year Nine friendships break up and people move on, things change and there is nothing I can do about it. I remember waving goodbye to my dad so many times from windows and airports and trains - jobs with constant travel are really good for building abandonment issues into your children.  I remember how much easier that made it to say goodbye to him permanently and how much I hated it, and tried to miss him more, on purpose. I remember all of these things and how they have made me into myself.

 

 

I hate looking through my old pictures because I hate how I used to look. I hate hate hate myself with short hair and I have still not quite gotten over it yet. I'm working on it, they were not happy years for me and maybe that was reflected too poignantly in those photos. But there are one lot I found: pictures from my trip to Italy this last summer. I spent nearly three weeks with my mum and little sister and the in photos from this holiday we look the happiest I've ever seen us. I don't know why this is, a combination of sunshine and exploring in a beautiful place? The amazing food, the friendly people, the feeling of being so far away from anything about home? Whatever it is, I intend to capture that feeling and spend as much as possible of the rest of my life being exactly that happy.

 

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

I've found my favourite movie. I probably say this about once a week, or at least every time I watch another Heath Ledger film but I MEAN IT THIS TIME, OKAY!!!

Ten Things I Hate About You came out in 1999 so I have no idea why it took me this long to actually watch it. If this is you then please stop whatever you're doing right now and go see it.

Immediately.

I love it so much I don't think I can actually write about it properly. Instead, I'm just going to tell you 10 things I really, really don't hate about it.

10) It's based on a Shakespeare play and the high school the characters attend is named Padua High. I don't know why I love this, but it's just really cute. Also Patrick "Verona," like in Italy.




9) Kat and Bianca's dad is the best. You're probably supposed to hate him for, like, "OMG, totally ruining everything," but he really cares about his daughters and *spoiler* lets Kat go off to college in the end. I'm tearing up over here.

8) All (or most) of the characters are really smart and intelligent, which makes a nice change from watching teenagers portrayed in films as stupid and irresponsible. The obvious exceptions to this point are part of the plot so we can look past Joey and Chastity.


"Trust you to use long words when you're smashed."

7) JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT. I have nothing else to say about this except: He. Is. Adorable.

6) Mr Morgan. Why isn't he real and why isn't he teaching me English?

5) Bianca reminds me of my little sister. They're both annoying, attention-seeking and have this amazing ability to get exactly what they want but still manage to seem sweet and innocent. She's also definitely the best dressed one in the film.

4) The music. All of it is so good, from the Joan Jett song playing while Kat drives to school to the concert where he asks her out to the bands performing at the prom at the very end.

3) When he buys her the guitar and then kisses her and she just won't shut up interrupting to tell him what to do. I just can't deal with how much I love this bit you guys.

2) Julia Stiles. I think if I was 17 in the nineties rather than now she would be the girl I would secretly want to be but would be too shy to go be friends with. Because she is seriously scary. With great taste in books and music, but still terrifying.

And if you don't cry at her poem, you're either lying or just have no soul.

1) Heath Ledger. <3 <3 <3 And THIS. If it doesn't convince you to watch the film, then I don't think we can be friends.

I wear short skirts, I wear t-shirts.

 "Because she wears high heels, I wear sneakers. She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers..."

Firstly, I love Taylor Swift. Her music makes me want to dance around my bedroom, singing into my hairbrush. It cheers me up after a bad day, a long shift at work or a fight with someone I care about. It makes me smile when I'm already in a good mood, and is the only thing I want playing on a long train journey. I have some tissue paper hearts that came out of the confetti cannon at her Summertime Ball performance on my wall of posters in my room and I own most, if not almost all, of the music she has released. Red is my running music, Speak Now gets me up in the morning and Fearless plays through my headphones while I fall asleep. Listening to We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together got me through my GCSE revision last year as whenever I thought I was going to go mental doing chemistry questions, maths equations or history past papers I would get up and dance madly around my house, singing along and blasting it from my speakers. And I will be the most excited person in the country when she announces UK dates for the Red Tour.

However, listening to the lyrics of You Belong With Me the other day, I realised something. Although it may be my favourite Taylor Swift song, and definitely her best video, it kind of made me sad. Its safe to say its a pretty well known fact that Taylor is famous not only for her music but for her high profile relationships and break ups as well, so it probably isn't a surprise to anyone when she writes songs about heartbreak and girls stealing her boyfriends from her. But something that occurs almost as frequently in her songs as mentions of beautiful blue eyes and driving trucks through the rain, are lines where she sounds pretty harsh or judgemental about other girls. She is a star, so it is in the job description to be entertaining and make music that people will love and want to listen to over and over. You may think that it doesn't really matter whether Taylor Swift makes a bitchy comment in a song - whether its about what a girl "does on the mattress" or what a guy is doing "with a girl like that?" - and you would be right. With people dying in wars all over the world and losing their jobs and homes due to the economy, the lyrics in music could be seen is completely irrelevant. But you could also argue that it is important; that how we talk about people is what makes us who we are.

And, honestly, that line just really irritated me. Because we all (girls.. mostly) have days where we do want to get up in the morning and put on a really short skirt and a lot of eye make up. Perhaps you're not feeling very confident or there's someone you want to impress, maybe you just want to dress up for the day. And sometimes on Taylor Swift's planet it seems like that makes those girls into the "slutty" girls. But at the same time, maybe even the next day, you might wear jeans and trainers, or go bare-faced, not even bothering with mascara and does that then make you the "sweet and innocent" one? The one "listening to the kind of music she doesn't like?" Not really. The way you dress shouldn't influence what other people think of you, and even though the image you present to world can sometimes feel like the most important thing in the world, it's not. Who you are doesn't change because of how you dress or how your hair looks. And sometimes, I want to wear high heels and sneakers at the same time. That's why wedge trainers were invented, okay.

My little sister, her friends and many people their age and younger all love Taylor and I think a lot of parents would prefer their daughter to be singing along to her music rather than Rihanna or Ke$ha. Its a little more innocent and while they may not actually understand some of the lyrics, Taylor Swift's whole image is just that bit more classy, more appropriate for younger girls to look up to. However as much as this is a good thing to have role models, and to admire people who are talented or successful, I think its just as important, personally, to be a "good" person. The definition of this could vary depending on different people's values, or what they see as important, but overall I would say you should be kind about other people. We're all guilty of it, and people who know me might be laughing if they read this, as I have a really sarcastic sense of humour and can probably say some very harsh things. This isn't necessarily something I'm proud of though, and I hope that people know that when I laugh at them, its because we're friends, not in spite of it!

 

So Taylor, maybe you need to take the advice Tina Fey gave you at the Golden Globes. Maybe you do need some "me-time to learn about yourself." And even though I really, really, really loved when Ed Sheeran came on stage with you and sang Everything Has Changed, maybe don't date him just yet. I don't think the world can take another really good break up album with lots of acoustic guitars and it definitely isn't going to handle two. And, last thing - I promise, please don't make that face again, the next time Adele wins an award you wanted... because we all know what you're thinking. And it makes the lyrics to this song look really ironic.
xxx

If you can't stand the heat...

Summer is almost upon us now. Everyone is beginning to anticipate the hot, lazy days ahead; the year's holiday in the sun. I find myself missing summer all year round, longing for the smells of sun scorched pavements, the concrete almost melting. I miss the heavy feeling of heat on my skin.

I want my hair to be full of salt, sun-bleached and dried into those elusive, genuinely "beachy" waves. I'm craving summery scents: coconut body lotions soothing sun-tanned limbs, the familiar, nostalgic flavour of sunscreen, reminding you of childhood days at the seaside, paddling in the waves and eating ice cream. I want to wear sunglasses everyday, all summer long, simply because the sun is shining so brightly. I'd love a deep tan that isn't out of a bottle, that comes from being outside for hours and hours, for days on end.

I want to not be able to sleep because of the heat. I want to lie under a thin sheet rather than a stifling duvet. I want to find sand between my toes and under my nails, painted a bright, tropical coral or turquoise. I don't want to wear or think about jeans from now until September, if possible. I'll be floating around in maxi dresses and sandals, imagining that I'm already on holiday in the sun. I want to buy a new bikini - something I've done every summer for the past five years. Its becoming a ritual.

Summer. Proper hot, sweltering, blistering heat. I know I live in a country where, if we're lucky, we might get a week of weather like this - and even then it won't compare to the temperatures in a million and one other far away places: from dry, dusty deserts and humid rainforests to crowded, sweaty cities and beaches packed with travellers and tourists everywhere from Brazil and L.A. to Thailand and Australia. I can't help myself; can't stop craving and hoping for a long, boiling-hot, sunshine-filled Indian summer.

I'm not much of a believer in "summer memories" and in fact my recollections of the summer months over the years tend to blur into one, to the point where I don't quite remember which country or which beach I was on in which year, with which haircut. Looking back at the photographs confuses me and I never recognize myself, in the pictures with family and friends, all getting younger and younger as the years go back. I know I'm incredibly lucky in that my family have always loved travelling and booking our holiday is something we look forward to doing all year. I've spent lots of time on beaches and in beautiful cities all over Italy as well as in Spain and many places in England of course and this year I will hopefully be adding a new country or two to my list.



As usual, F. Scott Fitzgerald says
it better than anyone else ever could...

Although my tan will fade away into pale, winter skin, the bright clothes and summery dresses will be put away until next year and I will go back to only ever wearing dark nail polish, I hope to remember the summer of 2013 for a long time. I've waited all year for it to come around: the countdown beginning in March, around the time of my 17th birthday. For anyone of my age, this will be our last ever summer with a back-to-school feeling waiting for us in September, infusing the holiday with regret before it has even begun. This time next year we'll hopefully be looking forward to going off to universities, to travelling or starting exciting new jobs in the somehow very scary "real world." I'm going to enjoy every single moment of this almost-last summer, I don't want to wish away a second.

x

Easily an A*

 What makes a film a romantic comedy? I ask myself this question a lot: mainly because, being a girl (holding up the stereotype here), I watch them what seems like all the time. I am proud of the fact that Love Actually is one of my favourite movies, I will not apologise for my love of Autumn in New York or Valentines Day and I will happily talk about any movie containing either Zooey Deschanel or Joseph Gordon-Levitt (preferably both please) to anyone who will listen.

And most importantly, I will always, always have a small part of my brain, whatever I'm doing, that thinks: I could be watching When Harry Met Sally right now.... Especially in a physics lesson.

I want my life to be like one of these movies. I want to dance around in the rain, always wear the perfect outfit in any situation and have amazing music playing over every dramatic moment in my life. Basically, quite like Olive Penderghast really....



"I want John Cusack holding a boom box outside my window. I want to ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason."

But no, sadly John Hughes did not direct my life either, I will never look quite as cute in my glasses as Zooey and the song playing never quite fits whatever dramatic moment is happening in my life (this is why I need to stop putting my iPod on shuffle) so, like Doctor Mindy, I will have to settle for watching other, fictional people have their awesome musical numbers for no apparent reason. At least I can have popcorn that way.

Anyway, Olive Penderghast is the main character in Easy A, which is an amazing and really funny film. Properly crying with laughter funny, holding your sides, stomach-aching funny. I don't know whether it just works with my sense of humour or if its the fact that its like an updated Mean Girls with Amanda Bynes, YouTube, Penn Badgley (um, Gossip Girl, do you live under a rock???) Stanley Tucci as the world's nicest dad and a soundtrack with Jessie J and Joan Jett. Literally what is not to love about it? A main character who's favourite class is English, finally. I mean I love Cady Heron but I could have related to that film so much more if she had been forced into joining the Book-thletes or something like that. And if Mean Girls is the most quotable film ever, Easy A wins the prize for the most gif-able.

 

Sadly there is no Tina Fey but there is an English teacher who has like one good joke, so that's something. Lisa Kudrow (Phoebe from Friends you guys!!!!) is also the worst "guidance counsellor" ever. I assume this is the American equivalent of student support worker, rather than career guidance or something, but either way anyone working in a school should take note of what to really try NOT to do with underage students. And seeing as I'm on the subject of what not to do with your life...

This, coming from the girl who claimed, on twitter, that she wanted Drake to "murder her vagina."

I love irony.

 

Is it just me that feels like I need to say this every time I put on sunglasses now?

Which brings me to.. the best thing about Easy A, which is obviously Emma Stone. She is about ten times more funny and sorted and smart in this film than some people (cough, Amanda Bynes) will ever be and I just love her. I hope Lobster Tod and Olive live happily ever after in the land that characters go after the film ends. I am now going to have to watch everything that this girl is in from now until ever and ever. I first saw this film about a year ago and have honestly watched it about five times since. It hasn't stopped being funny yet. So what are you waiting for? Go and watch it (or watch it again), laugh, cry, seriously re-evaluate your wardrobe and then come back and tell me how much you love Easy A. I'm leaving you with this: unless you weren't convinced already that no one else (including you, Chloe Moretz) could have played Olive with so much awesome as Emma Stone.

And finally, if you think I may have a been a bit harsh about Amanda Bynes, a bit too mean, I have one thing to say to you...

 

x

Don't Forget To Be Awesome...

When was the last time you read a book from cover to cover? The last time you read your way into a whole new universe, barely pausing to take a breath between chapters, the relationships and characters becoming as familiar to you as the people in the next room?

For me, it was over the last three days in which I read my way through Looking For Alaska and An Abundance of Katherines, both by the amazing author and youtuber John Green. While I consider myself a huge fan of John Green - Crash Course World History pretty much saved my life right before my exam on the Crusades, and god knows what I would have written about in my English Literature exam without having watched his multiple and brilliant videos on The Great Gatsby (thanks, basically) - it occurred to me the other day that I had only read one of his books.

Despite the fact that, in my opinion, if you cried as many tears as I did while reading The Fault In Our Stars, then you don't really need to read any other JG books to call yourself a number one fan, I decided, seeing as I was at the moment of this realisation, actually in a bookshop, with a giftcard burning a hole in my purse, looking at a sign announcing: "Buy One, Get One Half Price!" I decided that the universe was probably trying to tell me something.

So I bought the aforementioned LFA and AAOK, took them home, got back from work the following day and then had precisely no human interaction until I had finished them both. (Okay, I'm exaggerating slightly, I did have to, like, talk to my family and other people who were physically in my house or otherwise un-ignorable) but I literally could not put these books down.

I read TFIOS in November last year, around the time I read The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, and absolutely fell in love with it. This may be one of the reasons I didn't read any of the other available JG books for so long - the worst thing about discovering an amazing author is always the fear that the one book you loved so much happens to be a fluke and the rest of their body of work is nowhere near as good.

However, this was not the case this time. Although LFA didn't quite live up to the expectations I had for it (but to be fair they were pretty - extremely - high) once I had got into the characters and the story I found myself laughing, crying, full-on sobbing at one point, and basically just experiencing the emotional rollercoaster along with Pudge, The Colonel, Takumi, Alaska and Lara. The entire book is a whirlwind of excitement, drama, love, and the kind of high-school experience everyone (secretly) wishes, aside from the obvious exception, they could have had. Read it - I promise you won't regret it for a second. Cheesy as it may be: it will change the way you see the world.

AAOK was, surprisingly, just as good as the other two books, but in a way that snuck up on me. Colin and Hassan, Lindsey and Katrina, The Other Colin and his friends, not to mention Hollis and all 19 of the Katherines, are characters you believe in, laugh with, cry over and eventually matter to you in the way that makes you sad when you have to put the book down and realise there's no more story left. (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WRITE A SEQUEL, JOHN GREEN.) I felt that the power of the message hits you harder in AAOK, maybe because you don't expect it as much. The book appears, at first and in its many laugh-out-loud hilarious moments, to be more of a comedy than TFIOS or LFA, both of which are pretty much sob-fests for a good 75% of the pages, but surprisingly its just as poignant and touching as you would expect any good read to be. Read this one too - unless laughing and crying your way through a roadtrip, a mystery, a broken heart, a disastrous pig hunt and 19 crushingly disappointing relationships doesn't sound like a good idea to you (you freak.) And don't worry, understanding maths isn't in anyway essential to understanding the story, which revolves around the hopeless, but permanently hopeful, child "prodigy" Colin.


Never stop writing stories John Green. I now have to go and buy his other two books (Paper Towns and Will Grayson, Will Grayson) just to see if he can maintain this streak of writing incredible, heart-breaking, hilarious and unforgettable novels. Is it just me who wants to live in a world where these wonderful, unique people are real? I want to camp out in a forest with Alaska, explore Gutshot, Tennessee with Colin, and fly to Amsterdam with Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters. The actors have been cast for The Fault In Our Stars movie, my heart is already waiting to be crushed into a zillion pieces all over again and all I need now is for Kaya Scodelario to be given the role she was clearly born to play... (no prizes for guessing - could there be a better Alaska Young?)

To be honest, all I have to say to anyone, who, like me, is putting off the point when they have to admit to themselves that its time to read another John Green book is to promise them they won't be disappointed. Whether you choose to go on a road trip and attempt to convert love into an algorithm (confusing maths thingy) or go to a school where pranks are a way of life and the only crime is getting caught, discover rooms with books for walls and strawberry wine buried under the fields, whichever incredible world you choose to enter, the one thing you won't be is disappointed.

As John Green says: "Books belong to their readers," and TFIOS, LFA and AAOK now belong to me the way that I Capture The Castle, The Great Gatsby and all the Harry Potters do, earning their place as My Favourite Books.

In Defence of Beyonce...

You may or may not agree with me - and obviously would be entitled to do so - when I say that I believe Beyoncé is one of, if not the, most inspirational women in the public eye today. She is a singer, dancer, businesswoman, mother, director and producer of films, designer  (or at least collaborator - with H &M), married to one of the most famous artists in the music industry, as well as being one in her own right - releasing four best selling albums - and on top of all this recently had time to set up her own website and launch (another) sold-out world tour. This is the woman who sang the USA national anthem unaccompanied at a surprise press conference before delivering a show-stopping Super Bowl Halftime Show; the woman who produced not one but two documentaries about her life as an international star (Year of 4 and Life Is But A Dream); the woman who managed to fit in having a baby somewhere in between starring in the music video for H & M's swimwear collection and appearing in the Chime for Change concert with Givenchy. She is a philanthropist - the charity section on her website contains links to the websites of multiple good causes, some little known and some recognizable to most of us. She is a fashion icon, constantly photographed in the latest stunning designer outfits, models fragrances for Thierry Mugler and her own brand but at the same time also often seen make up free, with baby Blue Ivy in tow.

I don't know what she's eating for breakfast but I want some. We can probably all agree on the fact that managing half of what Beyoncé does would be a massive achievement. And the woman is only 31 - how on earth has she fitted it all in? Does she not need sleep? Maybe she gave up TV watching around the same time as becoming her own manager and record label boss? Whatever the reason, her success is certainly something to aspire to or be inspired by. I can't be the only one who asks themselves on a bad day: What would Beyoncé do? However, recently, for a number of reasons, Beyoncé, and to a certain extent Jay Z as well, have been getting a lot of negative attention from the media. While it's true that "celebrities," some people would argue, have to accept that they will lose some of their right to privacy, and even the right to not be slated on the internet and in newspapers, surely there is a line somewhere? And for me, and maybe for you too, Beyoncé is on the other side of that invisible line. I'm in no way arguing that we should not criticise, evaluate or discuss what she (or any other public figure) does or says or chooses to wear - as in fact entire industries rely on us debating these very things - and I accept that as a society we have chosen to value certain people as entertainers and cultural representatives and therefore we are responsible for holding them to accountable for what they do and how they "represent" us.

 

But I find some of the comments and things that are said about Beyoncé to be almost more offensive or hurtful than things that are said about a lot of other celebrities. Recently, for example, when rumours began to circulate on Twitter and E-online, that Beyoncé is supposedly pregnant with a second baby, some of the comments I read from viewing one webpage on the news story were, for a start, harsh, judgemental and, to be honest, really mean. Why do people feel the need to make comments along these lines? You would never take it upon yourself to make judgements on other people's lives, people you have never met, people you know nothing about, so why do it to someone simply because their career and talents have brought them into the spotlight. Why the hatred for someone so obviously talented? The easy answer would be jealousy, because let's face it, who can say they aren't even the tiniest bit envious of Beyoncé's life. However, I think it goes deeper than that. I think, despite the huge differences between countries such as England and the USA and places such as Saudi Arabia where a woman isn't even allowed to drive a car, we as a society still look at a smart, intelligent, beautiful and successful woman, and perceive her as a threat. Whether or not this is conscious, or perhaps we are unaware of it, it is still a problem. Would Beyoncé be judged in the same way, for simply doing her job as a global superstar by being rich, famous and reportedly spending $1 million dollars on her daughters bedroom, if she was a man? I'm sure many men spend $1 million dollars on a lot of things without being slammed in the global media for it. If you could, and wanted to spend that kind of money on your child - money you had earned and worked for - surely that's your choice alone and you shouldn't have to be judged for doing it.

There are obviously other examples of society judging Beyoncé's life when really its none of our business anyway - who cares if she wants to go on holiday to Cuba, its a beautiful country and her fans there probably really appreciated it. The main one though, that really winds me up, is the constant commentary on the way she (and every other female celebrity ever) looks. As if their bodies, and hair, and faces, and oh my god is she gaining weight/losing weight/gaining too much baby weight/not gaining enough/looking fat/looking too skinny is the only relevant thing about them. Forget talent, and brains, and being a generally good human being: we live in a world that teaches us that all that matters is how we look. And personally, it just drives me insane.

It all links with the comments I talked about previously. Whether or not Beyoncé is pregnant with a second child (and I think we can all agree now that that particular internet storm has died down that it probably isn't the case) does that automatically mean the public, and her "fans" have a right to know? Just because you, as I do, buy someone's albums and enjoy their music, your interest in their personal life doesn't win over their right to have privacy. And reacting to news about a celebrity - even if you have very good reasons to dislike them - by typing anonymous, hurtful comments on the internet just makes you pretty pathetic. And accusing someone of having used "surrogates" for her "fake" pregnancy is another one of these weird trends: Kim Kardashian being another example.

I think that what I'm trying to say is since when did we all stop knowing how to be nice to one another? I don't mean nice as in being a pushover, but in the sense of being kind. Allowing people to get away with being horrible about those in the public eye translates to children growing up in a culture that teaches them its okay to make nasty comments, okay to be a bully and okay to make other people feel small in order to make themselves feel better. I don't want to live in a world where we accept this behaviour. I want to live in a world where someone as inspirational as Beyoncé is given credit for all the good things she does, for helping girls to feel good about themselves and the way they look when they see a woman who resembles what they see in the mirror being so successful and influential. If Michelle Obama considers Beyoncé a good role model for her daughters, and therefore for young girls everywhere, I don't see any reason to disagree.

 

Have a look at this article, or, as it says, take it from Beyoncé herself: "I guess I am a modern-day feminist. I do believe in equality. Why do you have to choose what type of woman you are? Why do you have to label yourself anything? I'm just a woman and I love being a woman..." (Vogue).

Any questions?